Then for the first time Liz brazenly introduced herself to a man from the

Then, for the first time, Liz brazenly introduced herself, to a man from the BBC, as “I’m Liz, I won John in an auction some months ago.” The news spread “You did whatttt?” asked an incredulous publicity girl. “Does anyone do that with men over 30?”By 8.30pm I was worried. My guest seemed unimpressed with my smart, bookish associates “Shall we look in at the Hillary Clinton launch?” I asked She regarded me suspiciously. What, yet more publishers and agents and writers she’d never heard of? I hailed a taxi and we sped to Kensington Palace We alighted to a blitz of paparazzi photographers Liz beamed, as if suddenly in her element “Have we missed Hillary?” I asked a departing guest. “Oh no,” came the reply, “she’s still very much here; and so is Bill.”Suddenly energised, Liz strode into the Orangery, seized a glass of Pimms and went outside among the famous faces. “There’s Lulu,” I said, hastening to assert my role as sneery London sophisticate introducing an out-of-town rube to the Celebrity World. “I know, John – and Alistair Campbell’s behind you, and David Furnish and Stephen Daldry,” she said, seeming suddenly taller and more commanding.

“Come over here, Liz,” I said, extending a guiding arm, “I think I saw.. Liz?” But she’d gone. I searched the yakking throng for five minutes and discovered her telling Sir Richard Attenborough how much she admired his work. Like one entranced, Sir Richard leant forward and plonked a kiss on her trembling lips.She reappeared beside me. “I just love Richard Attenborough,” she said, “but I think it’s time we met Hillary.” We strode indoors to where the former first lady was holding court.

“You can’t just march up to Mrs Clinton like this,” I hissed “You have to be introduced. You have to think of something to say…” But Liz was now a driven woman. Thirty seconds later, we stood before the guest star in her curiously dowdy belted white coat “Er, hello,” I said. “I greatly enjoyed your book, especially the story about how your first case as a trial attorney was representing a man who found a rat’s, er, bottom in his meat loaf…”"Ha ha,” said Mrs Clinton, with a voice like the tinkle of a razor blade in a sink “Thank you for bringing that up.”She looked at Liz. “Do you know,” said Liz, indicating my manly form, “I won him in a raffle?”"Excuse me?” said Mrs Clinton.”I mean an auction,” said Liz The ex-President’s wife burst out laughing “Yeah?” she said. “What has he got to offer?” She and Liz had a little chat about men while I stood alongside feeling small Hilary and her minders moved on “That was fantastic,” said Liz “Now, how about finding Bill?”I couldn’t keep up.